(remember, there's no such thing as a stupid question)

Do I have to wear a costume?
Well...that's a really stupid question. Of course you do! It's a costume party. Or, you don't. If you don't wear a costume you can just wear one of ours. I'm sure we have a few Cheryl Tiegs swimsuits you could borrow for the evening.

Should I be scared? 
Wait...maybe a little. Definitely less than last year. We think.

It's kind of expensive this year, how can I afford the ticket price?
1. Sell your old school vinyl ($14)
2. Sell your blood ($6)
3. Sell one of your offspring ($19 - for the cute one, not the whiney one)
4. Dude. That extra buck. We can't tell you how to come up with it. All we can say is that 'thing' you've been doing every week that you're not proud of...cut back by $1 man. 
$14+6+19+1=$40 so you're good to go. You'll thank us later. 

If my satisfaction is not 100% guaranteed, I would like to get my money back. Is that ok? 
Of course! We're so glad you asked!! Just meet us at 7:00am the morning after the party, at the venue, with latex gloves and your cute offspring (see earlier question) in hand with both of you ready to clean and we would seriously be more than happy to hand you back your $40! 
(as a side note: when have you gone to a 70's party, wearing vinyl or foil - which you seriously should do - and NOT had a good time?)

Who are you people? 
We are the vegan ranchers, God-fearing atheists, and feral Suburbanists that make Boulder tick. Our garbage bin is twice the size of our Compost and Recycle bins put together. We are not kid-friendly, not politically correct and our political party deems we have an average of 2.5 kids among us. We stand for Fun, Frivolity and Fabulousness (and Feta momma always says, mo feta, mo betta). And we love you, Boulder! (that last statement was true)

Did you write these FAQ's drunk? 
Of course! What? Did you READ these FAQ's sober? What were you thinking?